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5 Kinds Of Female Stalkers To Expect If You Get Famous

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LadyStalker2Credit: onur kocamaz/Getty Images

Celebrities are used to having girls throw themselves at them--it's probably one of the reasons you've always dreamed about being a pro athlete or a Grammy-winning musician. But when fans take a turn towards Stalkertown, it's not cute, just freaky. Here are a few of the stalkers you can expect to encounter if you ever become famous.

1. The Hair Fetishist

As Wolverine, Hugh Jackman grows out a bunch of hair, but that doesn't mean he wants donations. This week, a crazed fan interrupted his workout at a New York gym, throwing a razor filled with her own pubic hair at him because A) she allegedly wants to be his second wife, not new wife, additional wife, and B) she's apparently not a fan of his current facial hair. Lady, this is not the way to get a man to shave.

2. The Kisser

Usually a celebrity's security team will prevent any physical contact with the public, but Vanessa Hudgens from "High School Musical" agreed to hug a female fan...who, mid-embrace, began kissing her neck. You won't actually want groupies once you realize that consent doesn't matter to them.

3. The Clinger

Many stalkers have delusions of a romance between them and the object of their obsession. A French Canadian actress who stalked Alec Baldwin wanted to be his wife, have his kid and (according to an incoherent e-mail), "GET ALL OF WHAT I WANT." Maybe she was just coming off too needy, or it's that he's happily married, but a restraining order put an end to her dreams of being Mrs. Baldwin.

4. The Kleptomaniac

Sometimes, if a stalker can't have you, she'll take something that belongs to you. For example, Tom Felton, who played Draco Malfoy in the "Harry Potter" franchise, had an overzealous fan who reached into his car window to yoink a few locks from his head. (Which brings us back to "The Hair Fetishist.") Not cool, but not uncommon.

5. The Equal Opportunity Stalker

An L.A. teenager known as "Stalker Sarah" doesn't have the laser-focused obsession of your typical stalker; instead she stalks all of Hollywood equally, strategically hunting down celebs for photos. She's had pictures taken with over 4,000 of them, which she posts proudly in her Flickr stream. While she doesn't seem to be a danger, the scary part is that this is how she spends all her time.

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Kara Klenk (@karaklenk) is a comedian in New York City.

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